People Search

Facebook, Myspace, and even the phonebook are generally good ways to find people you are looking for. However, sometimes even that doesn’t turn up the results you need. People Search is a website that for a small monthly fee provides access to information such as phone numbers, addresses, public records, etc. of just about anyone (a little scary when you think about it, but when used with good intentions this power of information can provide much good). I could see this being useful for someone running a business and needing to hunt down people for payments. It would also be good for finding long lost friends or family members. And I wish I had access to this when I was visiting teaching coordinator trying to find the lost members of the singles branch where all we had was a name!

There Goes the Security Deposit

I spilled bleach on the carpet! :-/ Ugh... I thought I had tightened the cap but doing chores in auto pilot I didn't realize I had tightened the cap of the big bottle, but the not the cap of the little bottle. Then I put the little bottle next to the laundry basket, but when I moved the basket I tipped over the bottle. I didn't think it was a big deal until I saw the 2 or 3 cups worth of bleach spill all over the carpet! I grabbed the first white towel for the bathroom I could find and quickly wiped up the bleach. Then I scrubbed the carpet with water. But it was all too late, there are now white splotches on this beige carpet.

But my husband can't be too mad, he ruined the living room carpet with his work shoes. There are little black marks everywhere. So I guess we're even in the "ruining the carpet" contest, lol!

Informative Web Searching

I’m an advocate of truth. I think people are better equipped with facts rather than rumors or just opinions. Medications are among the things that people tend to believe rumors and fall prey to fears rather than face the facts. This website about Phentermine Diet focuses on the facts. I’m not sure why people get caught up in negative hype (or positive hype for that matter) instead of researching for themselves what the facts truly are. We live in the information age, it’s as easy as looking up a website to obtain information. However, credible websites are difficult to find. We also live in a day and time where anyone can make anything seem credible, so ultimately nothing seems credible any longer. That’s why it is important to seek out useful websites with links to other credible websites that verify the information is correct. Use a little common sense and you’ll find the truth amidst the sea of information (or should we say misinformation).

Longing for HGTV

I miss HGTV. I can get the watered down versions of the shows on the website where they take the episode and shrink it down to about 4 minutes long. What’s the fun in that? I want to watch all of the DIY projects, the process of painting and decorating, the selection of the cool new modern furniture, the whole shebang! I also miss how quickly I would learn how to do certain projects as well as retaining the vast home decorating and improvement terminology. I’m making do with free online tv, but I do miss my educational home and garden television.

Visiting Teaching

Andrea and I made our last visit of the month today. It was a simple, short visit but the spirit was sweet and strong. We love visiting with Chris. She's a pure delight. We talked for about 15 minutes, including me giving a quick version of the lesson, then we took a dip in her pool with Andrea's little guy Rob (he is so adorable!). We had to keep it short since Andrea needed to pick up her daughter from school since she just started and only goes for 3 hours (I'm not sure if that's preschool or kingergarten). Overall, it was a good visit even if it was short. Quality over quantity.

Surefire Saint

Who wouldn’t want a Surefire Saint? Wait… what is a Surefire Saint? It is a head strap (or helmet strap) flashlight. Isn’t that the coolest name ever for a flashlight? It definitely caught my attention! It’s actually police gear, which can be purchased on lapolicegear.com. So if any of you just so happen to be looking for something like that (hey, husbands are hard to shop for!), that’s where to buy it.

Unusual Practice

When you're cleaning the toilet, do you ever feel like you are doing some unsual commode worship ritual? It's a lot of up close and personal time with the toilet. Especially when cleaning the entire thing, including the floor behind it (which would be so much easier if it weren't tucked away in the corner, obviously someone that doesn't clean bathrooms came up with the design). Maybe it's just me.

Lighting Fixation

I attribute this fascination to the after effects of endless hours of home decorating shows during my sick years, but I have a love of lighting fixtures. When I was packing to move, I desperately wanted to bring my floor lamp chandelier (that I received as a birthday present on my 18th birthday) with me to Texas. I made the effort to take it apart, but to my dismay time and humidity had caused two connection components to adhere that rendered me unable to disassemble my beloved lamp. I had no choice but to leave it behind. However, my dear husband allowed me the opportunity to tour local Big Lots to attempt to find a replacement. Sure enough we did, and he gifted that very lamp to me for my 23rd birthday. Trouble is, we still haven’t put it together, lol! But in our defense, it’s because we had to get rid of the old couch frame in order to make room for the couch our friend will be lending us, which we still need to retrieve. And once that is done, we will know for sure where there is room for my lovely lamp.

I'm Done!

I'm done with the antibiotics! Yay! I'm all better and now I shall be free from the medication side effects as well. What a relief!

Touring the Cities

There is quite a history with Atlanta and us. We recently got to stay the night in that great city. Trouble is we were having so much fun there we missed our morning flight. Rather than waiting around the airport all day, we would’ve much rather been enjoying the city taking Atlanta tours. But we made the best of the situation and developed a “stand by passengers” club with 2 other people. It was definitely amusing. Though Joshua and I had the most fun as we explored the vast airport and found an art exhibit on concourse A. We rode the moving sidewalks up and down looking at these unusual African inspired statues.

Joshua and I want to travel more, once the finances allow so. I found a great website of online travel guides by Trusted Tours and Attractions. It’s giving me all kinds of great ideas. For example, in Anaheim you can get Knotts berry farm tickets or in Washington D.C. you can purchase tickets for a Segway tour.

In order to keep the ideas coming, I’m going to sign up for the website newsletter. And if you sign up for the newsletter by August 31 you will be entered into a drawing to win a $150 Magellan’s Gift Certificate. A chance to win something is always a nice bonus.

TGIF

Last night, Joshua and I went to TGIFriday's to get a break from the apartment and have a little date. We had a coupon from the last time we went, one of those do a survey get a free appetizer coupons. It expired the 22nd so this was our last chance to use it. We got there around midnight (we're such vampires with our late hours) and got our free appetizer, two waters, and enjoyed ourselves. We left the waitress a tip and we had ourselves an affordable little date on Friday night.

Car Air Conditioning

A fully functioning air conditioner in the car is a must in Houston. It is sweltering hot here. However, everyone has suffered at one time or another through a broken air conditioning compressor. It’s a costly auto part, especially if you need a specialty brand like a BMW or Mercedes AC compressor (we have a Chevy though). Fortunately, you can order an ac compressor through www.discountacparts.com for substantially less than through a regular auto shop. So when your air conditioner breaks, be sure to get it fixed for less by buying the parts yourself on www.discountacparts.com. Plus, they have free shipping on orders over $50 and a full warranty on every ac part they sell.

Thank You

To my girl friends who are the most supportive, intelligent, and spiritual women in the world I'd like to say THANK YOU! I am grateful for your friendship and I cherish your loving observations and your kind words (as well as your less than kind words towards offending parties, lol). I'm very blessed :-)

To the Deleted Comment

You know who you are that left a comment:

First: If my marriage is the same as everyone else's, why is that all of my fellow newlyweds give me a weird look when I tell them we have problems? They just make an uncomfortable sad face and then tell me how they have few disagreements (let alone issues) in their marriage.

Second: I would love to move on and leave the past behind. Trouble is emotional abuse doesn't work like that. The effects of my husband's family are deeply rooted in him. I naively thought that moving away would cause him to leave that side of him behind and that his true self, the good, strong, loving man, would emerge victoriously with only minimal struggle to let the old self go. Instead he is a mix. Some days he's the most wonderful husband, other days it's as if he IS his family with all of their destructive ways.

Clearly you do not understand what emotional abuse even is. READ THIS WEBSITE!!!
EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Under "Types of Emotional Abuse" Joshua's family has done every single one of them to him for the past 26 years. And yes, I've even witnessed events where it has occurred. It's gut wrenching to see the person you love more than anything be treated so inhumanely. Also see "Signs of Abusive, Authority Based Relationships" where once again, every point made is applicable to his situation.

These problems are not NORMAL. These are not typical marital issues that I'm merely whining about. If you think that, then once again, you need to read that website or even research emotional abuse yourself. It doesn't just go away if you decide to move on.

Third: When you notice a string of "negative" posts in my blog that's clearly indicative of a low point in our marriage. This blog is dedicated to the "Highs, Lows, and In-Betweens" not just the "Let's pretend we're perfect people so others will think highly of us" blog.

Fourth: When we're on our good times we do not speak of his family. During the bad times, I turn to my blog to vent of his family in an effort to minimize how much I do towards him (because you're right that it doesn't help him, hence why him and I generally only speak of the issues of his family when HE brings it up). When the bad times come it's the effects of the emotional abuse. It's like a weed. You pluck off the plant and the garden looks better for awhile. But soon enough the roots take hold and a new weed has grown. Getting rid of the roots is a complicated, painful, and time consuming endeavour. It does not happen over night, nor is it simply a choice to just forget the past 26 years and pretend they never happened. The consequences of his upbringing are manifesting themselves NOW and it is constant evidence of the damage his family has caused. Especially since it's only been 1 year since he moved out and only recently has he stopped calling them all of the time and allowing them to inflict their cruelty via phone... oh, yes, the brainwashing of emotional abuse is that effective that new damage can be done via phone, online, or postal mail, any contact is all it takes. And it took him a long time to stop the continual contact because the guilt they taught him was so strong he felt he couldn't choose to not talk to them. Though let's not forget how they've instilled their constant negativity in his head, there's no escaping that. Do you also see all of the anger I have within me due to them?!!! He's an amazing man. He's intelligent, loving, creative, spiritual, and fun. Unfortunately, there is this ugly disease within him (emotional abuse) that causes him to have traits that negatively affect himself, as well as our life together. At times he ends up acting like them instead of acting like him.

Don't you see it? The man of my dreams is right before me but his family has mucked up his divine nature. I hate that they did that and that hatred gets directed towards them. Who wouldn't feel that way?! But I feel helpless because I want to tear their heads off or at least make them feel at least half the pain they've caused Joshua, but I can't. In fact, he prefers I do not even speak with them. As he has said, "There is no reasoning with them. They'd only turn it back around on you." And that makes me angry because I'm the kind of person that talks things out. Heck, I can even reason with animals (my many years of cat taming) and they can't even talk. Yet, I can't reason with his family. That just kills me! So there's nothing I can do about them.... so I'm left with my unresolved anger.

All I can do is support Joshua as he fights this horrific cycle of abuse in an effort to end it so he doesn't become an abuser himself. But that's easier said than done. When he's angry with his family (if he talked to them or if he remembers something they did) he takes it out on me, not them. You try dealing with that. When he behaves like his family instead of his true self, I'm the one that has to point it out because he doesn't see it. And as usual, he gets angry and acts even more like his family as a result. Later on he'll cool down and then we start to get somewhere since he knows he needs someone to help him learn what behavior is emotionally abusive and which isn't, but it's a viscious anger cycle that he's dealing with and I never know when it's safe and when it's not. I will make this clear, he is not hitting me or physically abusing me, but there are times when emotional abuse creeps into the picture. The only example of adulthood he has known is that of his parents and siblings, who are all emotional abusers. Part of emotional abuse is to isolate the victim. He has few close friends, was discouraged from spending the night at other's houses, his family kept him from going on a mission, his family insisted he needed to live at home (so he did for nearly 26 years), and his mother always told him to not trust anyone and only listen to the family. So it's very difficult for him to learn how to be a good man and husband when he doesn't even know what that really means since he's never personally seen it. Sure he knows of people like that, but he doesn't know them to the point he has that example imprinted upon his mind. He tries and some days he gets it and others the instincts of his family kick in.

So don't tell me this is merely a rough patch and I'm whining. This is a serious problem and we are suffering.

Paradise?

Am I the only one that doesn't find marriage to be complete and constant joy? I've noticed blogs with such happy titles describing their life (granted my sister-in-law has paradise in the title due to them living in Hawaii... though perhaps that refers to the marriage as well) and I find myself jealous. Not that I want to take away other's happiness, just that I wish I had a little more of my own.

I know that a lot of people have envied (or still do) Joshua's and mine relationship. If they only knew the whole story. Yes, it's romantic and at times happy, but it's also full of drama with plenty of lows.

I don't know about everyone else, but often I find marriage confining. I never expected to feel this way. I didn't when him and I were dating. I loved being in a relationship and to my surprise I found the commitment liberating. I no longer had to care about presenting myself to new people as "dateable." I had the safety and security of a committed relationship with a partner that loved me for me. Nothing is more liberating than that.

But for some reason those feelings changed upon marriage. I went from liberated by commitment to restricted by it. Though I don't feel that way 100% of the time, sometimes marriage feels like the most wonderful, blissful experience. But there are plenty of times where I feel trapped in this ongoing battle of everyday trials with no dream of a better day. When you're dating you daydream about your beautiful wedding day, but when you're married and looking back on that day instead, you wonder what do you now have to look forward to. When you're dating and you face struggles like missing each other when you're apart or whatever it may be, you fantasize about how one day you'll be married and it'll all be so happy, that every moment of everyday you'll feel that joyous feeling like when you greet each other at the door to begin a date; or the bliss of being on a date, or at church together, or even the comfort of the connection felt through conversations on the phone. Yet being married, it doesn't feel like that all the time. Sometimes yes, but not the majority of the time.

Yes, I realize that Joshua and I are facing struggles most couples don't. He's recovering from a lifetime of emotional abuse. I'm still coping with the aftermath (and sometimes present effects) of chronic illness. He was held back (by his family) from pursuing things like working, paying bills, heck... even cooking, so he's learning a lot and it's not easy on him. I had a lot of set backs myself due to my illness (though as weird as this may sound, Joshua suffered more set backs than I did, due to his family). Also we immediately moved 1400 miles away from all of our friends and family; which was good to get away from his family, hence why we did it. But having to make new friends, new work contacts, find new doctors, even new shopping, has been challenging. However, the good part has been that we have had to depend on each other more so than ever, which has strengthened our marriage and made our love grown. But in turn, it has also tested our patience and it has quickly made our faults more evident.

But as you can see, we are not dealing with normal circumstances here, so I guess it is to be expected that we wouldn't have pure bliss in our lives. I guess it's healthy that despite our challenging situation that I still desire for our marriage to be happier. The emotion of jealousy is meant to be a motivator, it is only evil when the emotion is used for harm. As long as I keep that as the goal, motivation for a happier marriage, then this is a good thing. You know, rather than just being bitter about the goal not yet being attained which would prevent it from ever being achieved. Here's hoping! Better yet... please, pray for us.

Fresh From the Oven Cookies... Months Later

Earlier today (before I took my meds so I actually had an appetite) I had a craving for chocolate chip cookies. Then I remembered the bag of homemade cookies I put in the freezer. I popped a couple in the microwave and to my delight, they tasted fresh baked! I'm pretty sure I made these back in May or June, and here it is the end of August. Gotta love a ziploc bag (the generic brand of course) and a freezer.